Empathetizing with My Abuser

Dear Lovelies, Yes, you read the title right. No, I haven’t lost my mind (not yet anyway). Just, let me explain. During a conversation I had yesterday with a friend, I realized why my abuser left Christianity. It was because of people who claim to be genuine Christians but are hypocritical, graceless, and so close-minded…

If You Were a REAL Christian, You Wouldn’t Doubt

In my experience, there’s one thing that is seldom, if ever, discussed in Evangelical Christian circles: doubt. If mentioned at all, it’s said with a disapproving tone and usually accompanied with a head shake that is supposed to convey genuine sadness and grief over “that poor backslider” who had “such a strong relationship with Jesus”,…

Birthday Post

Today is my birthday. I’m now 26. I feel no different than I did yesterday, except that I got better sleep last night than the night before. I’m putting up clean laundry while listening to NF, a Christian rapper whose raw honesty draws me to him. I don’t know what to do with myself today,…

Triple Threat: Dissociation, Anxiety, and Insomnia

Dear Lovelies, As I write this, it is almost 6:00 in the morning and I have been awake now for three hours. This is my normal. I keep my phone next to me so I can play calming music or a thunderstorm on YouTube in hopes of falling back asleep. I keep snacks in my…

Travailing through Trauma: A Night With PTSD

Last night, PTSD won. I spent most of the night curled up in my closet, like a child afraid of the Boogeyman, trying my best to be as small as possible, like nothing at all, because the amount of open space my room offered was too much. Around 11 p.m., I laid on the floor…

Travailing through Trauma: A Night With PTSD

Last night, PTSD won. I spent most of the night curled up in my closet, like a child afraid of the Boogeyman, trying my best to be as small as possible, like nothing at all, because the amount of open space my room offered was too much. Around 11 p.m., I lied on the floor…

Lost: Searching for Peace

I just got home from life group, AKA, hanging out with a bunch of Christians. It was uneventful until two games of Brazilian Uno, as per our nightly routine, but something different happened tonight. A lone piano was played, came alive by talented hands, and praises were sung to a holy deity. Tonight, different voices…

What No One Tells You after a Suicide Attempt (Part 2)

*If you’re interested in reading Part 1, click here* When you’re filling out paperwork, after being hospitalized, and the personnel asks you if wanted to die, if you really meant to jump, do not tell her the truth; they’ll only use it against you to keep you locked up longer. When you tell the unfeeling…

Panic Attack Hangover: The Aftermath

When most people think of panic attacks, a certain image comes to mind. Maybe it’s oneĀ of someone sitting on the floor in a far corner, or on a chair bent over, hands over their ears, or on their head, hyperventilating and struggling to breathe normally. For some, that’s the case. But nobody ever talks about…

Need Feedback

I am bored and need feedback on writing. Here are the first two pages of what I wrote tonight. Have fun and let me know your thoughts good, bad, or otherwise. ~Day 1~ On the day everything went to hell, Catherine Dawson sat across from me, with her chestnut hair pulled back into a loose…