The Truth about Novel Writing

Like many people, I’ve always wanted to write a book, but until recently, I’ve been enamored by the idea of writing a book. Tell people you’re writing a book, that’s sexy, romanticized even, but actually writing one is hard work that requires frantic writing as a new idea hits you at 4:00 am, feelings of frustration…

Nerd!: A Childhood Trauma or The Weight of Loneliness

“You’re such a teacher’s pet! What’s with your hands? Are you retarded or something?” It’s taken me a long time to realize just how traumatizing it all was. That I was ridiculed both for being different and intelligent. One of these things I couldn’t control. I wanted so badly to fit in, to belong to…

There’s More to Life than Trauma

  Trauma has a way of disrupting and contorting everything so that all one sees is pain, paranoia, danger, and withered hope in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, intrusive memories, and a flight/fight/freeze brain system in need of major repair. But that’s not all there is. There’s hope and love, still. And the…

Reflections on Being Institutionalized

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m doing life correctly. Because of PTSD, I tend to live the past a lot. It’s unintentional, due to flashbacks, triggers, and panic attacks, but it happens. I have a lot of trouble with being still and clearing my mind because people, responsibilities, and distractions are all vying for my attention….

What No One Tells You after a Suicide Attempt

When the school counselor calls the police to escort you off the premises to be Baker Acted for a suicide attempt the night before and asks you, before they come, if you hate her, be honest. Don’t let fear strip you of your humanity just yet because months later, when you’re out, you’ll see that…

Just a Number (A Tribute to UCF)

Everywhere I go, a multitude of students surrounds me in an ocean of academic chaos. I observe them in silence. Some are consistently obnoxious, like an alarm that goes off at six that tempts me to smash it with aggressive fists. Some scurry along, while others choose to saunter to class. Blatant, their attitudes scream,…

In Light of Past Acheivements…

  It has been exactly 1 year, 9 months, and 20 days since I graduated from the University of Central Florida, said goodbye to my fellow Knights, and got thrust into the land of no sleep, mental breakdowns, existential crises, and low-paying jobs otherwise known as Adulthood.  The cap I graciously and excitedly threw into…