The Art of Sexual Grooming

Step 1: Befriend someone and study her like scientists examine microscopic organisms beneath the ocean’s surface. Learn her likes, dislikes, if she hates her parents and why. Step 2: After learning that she’s a loner looking for simple companionship, start eroding her carefully constructed walls, break down bricks with warm hugs, a soft hand on…

A Fictional Psychological Scene: Is it Believable?

Dear Lovelies, I am awake and writing because I have horrible insomnia. I wrote this scene that may or may not go into the novel that I’ve been writing off and on for three years now (For more info about the writing process, you can read here and here). Sexual assault is mentioned and the…

A Diagnosis is NOT a Life Sentence

Dear Lovelies, It’s 4:08 in the morning as I type this. The reason I’m up this early is that I was thinking of the past few years of my life, as it relates to thorns in my flesh. I was thinking about the conversation I had with my friend, and how we agreed that it…

Another Letter to My Abuser

Dear Voldemort, I know I shouldn’t say what I’m about to say because it’s not uplifting or triumphant; there’s no happy ending to this particular moment in time. I need to get some things off my chest and you need to listen. I have spent the last two days in complete depersonalization mode, just watching…

Empathetizing with My Abuser

Dear Lovelies, Yes, you read the title right. No, I haven’t lost my mind (not yet anyway). Just, let me explain. During a conversation I had yesterday with a friend, I realized why my abuser left Christianity. It was because of people who claim to be genuine Christians but are hypocritical, graceless, and so close-minded…

Triple Threat: Dissociation, Anxiety, and Insomnia

Dear Lovelies, As I write this, it is almost 6:00 in the morning and I have been awake now for three hours. This is my normal. I keep my phone next to me so I can play calming music or a thunderstorm on YouTube in hopes of falling back asleep. I keep snacks in my…

Travailing through Trauma: A Night With PTSD

Last night, PTSD won. I spent most of the night curled up in my closet, like a child afraid of the Boogeyman, trying my best to be as small as possible, like nothing at all, because the amount of open space my room offered was too much. Around 11 p.m., I laid on the floor…

Lost: Searching for Peace

I just got home from life group, AKA, hanging out with a bunch of Christians. It was uneventful until two games of Brazilian Uno, as per our nightly routine, but something different happened tonight. A lone piano was played, came alive by talented hands, and praises were sung to a holy deity. Tonight, different voices…